Good morning friends. What have you been doing this weekend? Did you get that software update that delivered a wondrous array of new emojis and variant skin tones? Yeah, it's been a pretty sweet few days and it's about to get a lot sweeter because NYC comedy duo Austin Martinez—that's Molly Austin and Shamikah Martinez—have penned a single entitled "EMOJIJAM" (full title "EMOJIJAM - new iOS 9.1 emoji - Where's The Bacon?") lifted from their upcoming album, Super Moon.
Last time we wrote about these two was when we they released their spoof of Beyoncé's "Flawless" called "Morning Face" (which just so happens to be the look I'm sporting as I type this). It was an excellent Bey parody, but "EMOJIJAM" really ups the ante: This is some inventive shit. For one thing, you have to watch it at least three times and listen hard to the lyrics to fully grasp the greatness (or read said lyrics below). There's so many emoji combinations created and decoded here. Secondly there are emoji dance moves helpfully that can be easily adopted even if you're utterly barren of rhythm and groove. This is your choreography instructional.
Their mission statement regarding the song goes something like this: "We decided it was time to share how we communicated through emojis as well as celebrate the latest emoji releases. We'd like to let it be known that a bacon emoji stood for the most and was sadly left out. Hopefully our protest brings us closer to getting the bacon we deserve America."
It's a very valid point: WHY IS THERE NO BACON? THERE SHOULD ALWAYS BE BACON!
It's also worth noting that it's nearly Halloween and several years ago the duo dropped this immortal jam and accompanying video (half a million views and counting)—"Things You Can Be On Halloween Besides Naked!!!"
Truth!
But before you watch that and rethink your whole Halloween game watch "EMOJIJAM" below.
If I send a crystal ball it’s cause you know you know it all
Senorita plus a Z right before the part-ee
This is how I say I luh you luh you magic mike I’d kiss you prolly
Put these all together for HELLLOOO DOLLY
If I send you this
I’m getting fucked up in the woods
This combo in our convo
Means that sex was good
This is when you thought you couldn’t
But I knew you could
This is how you know
He was not a show
It is a hard no
I have got to go
I’m about to blow
I would love to join the pity party but I’m just too cold
CHORUS
Emoji jam
Hold the tray
Call on me
Omg
Not right now
Shut it down
It’s Britney, bitch
And we all know what this means
Got the emoji OG back and forth forevernevern
Give us that bacon give us give us that bacon
When it’s time for breakfast
Or the dance moves are fire
Whether you’re a knight
A king or a squire
When a boy’s a hot boy
When it’s nice outside
When the fun’s too fun
If your cat just died
When you caught your husband cheating
Had to swallow your pride
On a boat
On a train
On a plane
WE NEED BACON!
CHORUS
Sneakin and creepin
I want my mom
Peepers be peepin
That shrimp was the bomb
I got that good cushy
He was stone cold!
Drowning in pussy
My eggs are getting old
I want a snack
Laughin cryin what you said
I got a party pack
LoLoL now I’m dead.
You can break up
You can get back together
You can blow a kiss
You can tell me the weather
Wasting your magic is strictly forbidden
FINAL CHORUS
Emoji jam
Hold the tray
Call on me
Omg
Not right now
Shut it down
It’s Britney, bitch
And we all know what this means...
I think it's flan
I thought it was bananas foster
Both are sexy
Sexuality is fluid
UNICODE CONSORTIUM