So last week I thought it was LDW (the douchey way of saying “Labor Day Weekend”) and now it’s here, and I still have no plans. So for this week’s Instagram column, I have chosen photos where everyone looks like they’re having more fun than I am. And probably more fun than you’re having too. So let’s go have some FOMO together, guys!
Okay so 50 Cent’s son is not only adorable, but he’s clearly having a ball because like 50 states, he’s born rich. So yeah, this kid will never have credit card debt or a student loan and he can play with toy boats and shit until he’s old enough to buy a yacht. Good times.
Miley was so disappointed by her own VMA’s nipple slip that apparently she decided to buff her nipple off her body. It happens, but she still looks like she’s having a good time without it, right?
Beyoncé in a sailor hat > your entire life.
Ellie is clearly drunk, yet somehow she still manages to glow and look hot. Meanwhile, when I get drunk my “wings on fleek” run down my face and I look like Alice Cooper.
So wait, Adam Levine is suggesting that he’s fucking a dinosaur?
Lily Allen in her sort of offensive headwrap is having a great time licking a Poison Sumac plant. Sidebar, I googled this plant and apparently it’s not Poison Sumac after all, but it’s Staghorn Sumac. So yeah, there’s your science lesson for the day.
Diplo is at Burning Man. Hide your wives and hide your peyote.
I’m just going to keep it real here. I will never go somewhere for a few days with no Wi-Fi. Like ever. I don’t care. The internet and cellphone service weren’t invented specifically for us to try and live without it once we’ve received it. What kind of masochistic bullshit is that? So yeah, slow clap for Skrillex going internet free for a few days. I’m sure Diplo is fine company.
I’ve dumped men for chewing funny and still Nicki has stuck by Meek. She should be a life coach.
I can only look at this wonderful photo once a day because whenever I see it I burst into tears. Seriously #CovenGoals. I look at this pic and then I want to get all new friends that match up to these goddesses. Okay, off to go cry some more.
Jeezy and his Styrofoam cups are having a better time than you this weekend.
1997 Snoop is definitely having a better time than you this weekend, even though he was signed to No Limit. Eek!
Check out Bret “The Hitman” Hart and his sweet sweet dadbod rocking the OVO shirt. Maybe he can rock that t-shirt around that douche Hulk Hogan. How ‘bout it?
Oh stop it, #sadboy. I really need to know what Justin Bieber’s problem. Like, is he okay? He was sobbing at the VMAs and now he’s #sadboy? What in the Kid Cudi fuck is his deal? Can the Beliebers help us out? Sidebar, the kid is a gazillionaire so no matter how emo he is right here, he’s still rich and looks like Ruby Rose. Those are two reasons to be ecstatic.
Regina George and the Plastics were having the fucking time of their lives at the VMAs. JK I’ve already publicly expressed that I am now a Swifty, and all of these “Bad Blood” girls get the cosign. I’m really saying all of this to prevent any hate mail. Blah blah blah that’s so fetch.
Kathy Iandoli’s hair is full of secrets. Follow on Twitter/Instagram